by Eden Milne, October 2015
I’ve not exactly been a military wife for long but I am and it’s a huge part of me. TV shows give a false view of this kind of life, it makes out that it’s a whole community where everyone knows everyone and they’re all best friends who get together on sunny days and have BBQ’s out front hillbilly style. Unfortunately for me this isn’t my experience. My neighbours are nice, we’ll exchange smiles in passing or take in a package for one another but for the most part, I actually find being a military wife quite lonely and overwhelming. I wouldn’t change my husband, our life or the decisions made for the world but I’m just lucky I have such good friends and family that keep me sane.
My mum is great, she’s a support I’d be lost without and Willz’ gran and granda just adore her (of course) and they are amazing but my friends…Woah! You wish you had friends like mine! I think even my moving further away has strengthened my friendships. My spare room homes them and allows fun sleepovers and sanity for me as well as fun cuddle times for Willz from her aunties and godmothers.. what more could I want when Scott’s away.
Saying bye to Daddy
Scott deployed as our daughter turned four months and she will be nearly 9 months by the time he’s home, what a lot to miss eh and what a time to have to leave. Willz is our first so clearly I’ve no idea what I’m doing… I’m learning on the job and sometimes it gets the better of me, especially whilst I’m on my own.
Of course, this is a personal account and the same can’t be said for every military wife. I work and study along with being a mum and housewife. Sometimes I genuinely think I’m going insane if Willow won’t stop crying which if I’m honest is rare, she’s a happy wee thing that has slept through the night since she was born but being with her 24/7 can get to us both. Things can get so overwhelming but who am I to complain when my husband is making the biggest sacrifice being away from his wife and daughter.
If I’m honest, I think our lifestyle strengthens our relationship. When Scott’s home we appreciate every minute together, we try not to practice pointless arguments, what’s the point. Don’t get me wrong, we’re not perfect but we’re not proud and will happily apologise if in the wrong. When he’s away, our time to talk is limited so we always leave it on a positive note but I wont lie, the possibilities can creep in and alert my worry police.
Willow keeps me on my toes and trying to find time to work and study keeps me busy… busy enough that I can’t ruminate on what could happen to Scott. I was recently asked if the possibility of his death was something that crossed my mind and although it’s horrible to imagine, it’s not a thought I can hide from. I do try to plan in my head how I would cope, stay strong for Willow and insurance would go to a roof for over our heads. I also think about drinking and snorting it all in Vegas, but thats a pipe dream… I’m a mum now, I have to be responsible.
Dressing up like Daddy
At the end of the day, this isn’t the kind of life I would suggest unless your strong, independent, comfortable with your own company and made of good stuff. Most of the wives like me tend to keep to their selves..my excuse for now is I don’t need another reason to procrastinate!
This was actually really difficult to write because believe it or not, I’m quite private so taking the step to share a peek of our lives was hard but hey, you only know what I share and that sure as hell isn’t the half of it.