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What the hell are these new Facebook button things?

New Facebook buttons

Stop what you’re doing immediately! Facebook has changed. This will have an incredible impact on our culture and our daily lives as we know it!

Melodrama aside. What the hell do we do with these new buttons?

Let’s find out:

Facebook Like

Aww. Our old friend the like button. This is how you say to people “Hey, I appreciate this comment” without having to actually say anything. It freely lets us wish well on other people without having to put any real effort in. Great job Mr like button. You’re a classic.

Facebook love

Oh wait. But what’s this? A ‘Love’ button? What the hell, man? You’re totally stomping all over Mr. Like buttons’ territory. You’re basically taking all credit for the great things that happen as Mr. Like heaves in the corner with jealousy. You’re not love at all. You’re just a glory hog.

Realistically this is the button people will press when people shoot their best mirror-selfie while bringing their duckface A-game. I simply LOVE how that top emphasises your cleavage!

Facebook Wow

Wow… Or as I like to think of it: The paw print of a two-toed bear.

This is the button to use when people show off their flare for being prejudiced. Did someone just share a Britain First post? WOW!

Wow, are you really that basic? Wow, are you really that racist? Wow, did you need to share all of that about your relationship breaking down ?

You get the picture.


Facebook Haha

The bullying button. This is what will be used to bully people. I guarantee it.

Teenagers around the country will be sharing insight into their own trials and tribulations in a bid to fit in our mixed up, vanity led culture only to be greeted with the provocative ‘Haha’ of another mixed up teen. Great job.


Facebook sad

The sad button. Poor little guy. Must have had something really bad happen to him recently. Maybe someone recently trolled him on social media and now he’s expressing his loneliness to his friends in a time of low self esteem.

Oh wait. There’s a button for this. ‘HAHA!’

Facebook Angry

Or as I like to think: two halves of a skateboard riding by a pot hole.

Oh no. You did it. You hit the angry button. You must be really mad! Wait. You’re not? You just thought this is the closest thing to a dislike button? I see.

I can’t wait to see how this one plays out. This is going to cause a barrage of elicit reactions. “What do you mean my views on the EU make you angry? You have no right to deploy your opinion on Facebook! That’s my job!”


So yeah. All in all. More things to click to keep us in an alternative reality, because God forbid we should want to really experience something.


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